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Betas 3 and 4

I haven’t had much time to write. Thursday night we ended up in the ER (then admitted) because Riley had some trouble breathing (breathing fast, neck and sternum retracting, grunting on the exhale, a little wheezing) in the setting of a virus. She’s doing much better and we were discharged after less than 24 hours, which is awesome. But we’ve been a little under water over here.

Anyway, quick update re my ever perplexing betas.

Recap/update:

  • 11dp5dt (16dpo) – 78
  • 13dp5dt (18dpo) – 134
  • 15dp5dt (20dpo) – 239
  • 17dp5dt (22dpo) – 471

Those doubling times are slowish, but all technically within normal limits (less than 72 hrs), and have increased slightly each time (went from 61.5 hrs to 57.5 hrs to 50 hrs). That said, they’re all totally lower than what is normally expected.

Today, my nurse said that everything is still within normal but that they’re a little concerned about the lower numbers. The plan is for another blood test Tuesday, then ultrasound on Thursday or Friday.

My only “symptoms” thus far are sore boobs (obvi because progesterone to the max) and a decreased appetite. The appetite thing is significant enough to feel like a real symptom. I’ll keep updating here as the week progresses. For now, I’m going to play Mr. Potato Head with my kid. Happy Sunday 🙂

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Beta #2

My HCG today is 134. That’s a doubling time of 61 hours. Not exactly what I was hoping for but also not out of the game. I feel like I’m playing a borderline game over here … I’ve read a couple of studies that basically stated that 74 is the cut off for what you would want to see at 11 days past a frozen embryo transfer. Mine was 78. Also I know they are looking for the number to double every 31-72 hours but I also know that most people would see those numbers at least double in 48 hours. The nurses have reported my numbers in a positive way each time – saying it’s a good number or a good rise. Today when I probed further, she said it was okay and we’re just going to keep an eye on it. I guess it feels like just a slightly more fragile pregnancy.

Overall, my initial emotion when I got the phone call today was relief. I’m still in the game, the numbers aren’t trending downward (which I feared), and they are still “in normal limits.” I go back again on Friday, and I’m guessing they’ll keep having me come back every other day until I get to at least 1,000 so they can schedule an ultrasound.

I’m still hopeful and also still nervous – my anxiety of low-ish/lower than expected numbers is all mixed in with my anxiety about my last pregnancy and everything we went through with the miscarriage and weird betas. I’m still pregnant and still having a hard time being excited about it. That said, despite all of the mitigating circumstances, I am pretty sure I felt the exact same way the first time around during my perfectly normal pregnancy with Riley. I’ll just be here biting my fingernails until Friday. Here’s hoping for some better news 🙂

Well damn

Beta is in

My first beta is officially in: 306. I actually can’t remember if she said 306 or 307 but obviously that’s neither here nor there.

Our nurse (Tracy) called with the news and said that the numbers were “really good,” though when I’ve looked it up it looks solidly average/a tad below average because I’m technically 12dp5dt today, which makes me around 17dpo.

Regardless, I’m totally nitpicking and I am trying to let it sink in that I’m pregnant. 306 is a solidly pregnant HCG level.

They didn’t check my progesterone and I asked why not/if they were going to. My nurse said she’d ask my RE but that they usually don’t test progesterone until the first visit with the doc, which is going to be between 6 and 7 weeks. I’m wondering if I should push to have my progesterone drawn on Wednesday when I go back for a repeat HCG beta. She said that when they test progesterone that they’d “just be seeing what they’ve prescribed,” but my concern would be that it’s not all absorbing? I don’t know, obviously it’s not my specialty to know these things, but if I was on PIO before and my numbers came in a little low I guess it just makes sense to me that they would repeat the test after upping the dose. Plus I know that women with PCOS can have low progesterone which leads to an increase in miscarriages. I logically know that the fact that I’m on a relatively high dose of progesterone via injection should cover me there. So I guess I’m not really anxious about it, just confused about when they choose to check levels and why.

The office just called and scheduled my first ultrasound and consult with the RE for 3/21, at which point I believe I will be 6 weeks 3 days (by my calculations/given the date of transfer – obviously that could be off if it implanted late or something). That early should I expect to be able to see a heartbeat?

I realized I have no idea what to expect moving forward – how often I will get ultrasounds with the RE, when they will likely “graduate” me to my OB, whether I’m considered high risk because of IVF, what type of testing to expect … So many changes. And right when I was getting into the swing of things with the TTC process…

Obviously I’m happy to roll with these particular changes. I’m excited to see what comes even though I’m currently in full-on denial/self preservation mode. I’m trying really hard to let that go (which is so much harder than I thought it would be) and just be excited that I’m pregnant. I’m trying to remind myself that being pessimistic now will not make it any easier down the line if something happens. As I’m sure most of you know/can guess, transitioning from infertility to pregnancy is really difficult. After so many negatives, so many calls telling me that I’m not pregnant, it’s just kind of hard to believe. I mourn a little for the loss of what would likely have been total innocence/excitement had I gotten pregnant without going through everything we’ve been through. But that is not my story and was never my journey.

Anyway, that was a long post to just say that my beta came back and is 306ish at 12dp5dt.

 

9dp5dt

 

  • That’s getting darker right? Like I’m still pregnant? (Those words don’t feel real to me)
  • I’m dying inside having to wait for Monday for my blood test. What beta numbers should I expect at 12dp5dt? 
  • Also do I have to wait til Monday to find out when the orgasm moratorium is lifted. Because, really. 
  • I never thought I’d be the kind of person who takes a test every day and saves them to compare. No judgement, just didn’t think I’d do it. Then I did. And I’m not sorry. 
  • Is it too early to download a pregnancy app?  

8dp5dt

Oh my god you guys. Is this for real?! 

 

8dp5dt AM


I got a faint positive yesterday and kept it to myself all. day. long. Why? Because today is Em’s birthday and I decided this would be a really cool gift. And it was. 

I am not certain at all that this is real. I can’t believe I have to wait until Monday for my blood test. I’m trying my best to tell myself how many things could still go wrong (what’s wrong with me?) … But this is a positive pregnancy test. 12 IUIs, 1 fresh IVF cycle, and 1 FET later, I have my first positive pregnancy test. Holy shit. Hang on in there, little one! 

Oh, if I know you in real life (maybe 3 people I know have this blog?) – obviously please keep this to yourself. Is that a dumb/obvious thing to say? Whatever. 

TWW fun stuff: 5 and 6dp5dt

I’m still sick (shocker) and don’t really have the energy to come up with anything witty or engaging so … Bullet points it is! 

  • LOL the “fun stuff” title is a joke
  • I hate being sick
  • I took a sick day yesterday (quite possibly my first one at this job? Maybe second), which was an excellent idea but didn’t make me be not sick so ugh.
  • Went back to work today and spent the whole time playing catch up from yesterday/the weekend so I is t get to feel any actual productivity. I mean, I saw 2 patients (I’m a speech language pathologist at a Children’s hospital – have we talked about that?) but didn’t check anything off my massive to do list. 
  • I voted! So that felt good but also good lord I’m terrified at the results of the republican primaries … This feels like a joke that has gone on too long and someone forgot the punchline. 
  • I started a new book last night – Winter’s Harbor by Aurora Rey. I’m really liking the writing and story so far but I’m on chapter 6 so no real opinions yet. Perhaps tomorrow or Thursday I can give y’all a recommendation. I will say that I am a total sucker for any story set in Provincetown (Radclyffe’s Provincetown Tales anyone? Swoon)

  

  • My sinus-y sickness has moved south. On Sunday and Monday I had maybe a total of 2 hours of time when one nostril was open for business. Mouth breathing is not pretty and also not comfortable. I woke up every hour on Saturday and Sunday nights. Today I’ve had at least 1 open all day! And I slept all night last night! But now I have a painful cough (and that mucous that vacated my sinuses seems to have headed for my lungs). Pretty picture right? I bet you are all bummed you’re not my wife right now. And I can hear the tiny violin songs from here. 
  • I’m dying to test (I mean, it’s 6dp5dt, totally reasonable) but I’m also terrified it’ll be negative and want to keep the hope alive. I am certain that I will test by Friday/Saturday at the latest. I’ve never felt so conflicted. Gah. 
  • I am officially laughing at myself from like a week ago when I said that the progesterone didn’t hurt. I constantly feel like I did a serious ass workout yesterday and am majorly sore. But of course I haven’t worked out, just let my wife stab me in the ass muscle every evening. 

Fin

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