My hcg came back 74 on Friday morning. That’s quite a drop from 1200! It certainly confirms that what I experienced on Wednesday afternoon was indeed a miscarriage. I feel weird for feeling relieved about it. It obviously comes from a place of not wanting to have to have a D&E or experience a miscarriage further into the pregnancy … but still is a weird emotion to be feeling about a miscarriage.
So this pregnancy ended at 5 weeks 3 days. I feel fortunate to have gotten pregnant on the first try (second time around), and to have felt supported and mostly at peace through this process. I’m disappointed that this attempt didn’t result in a take home baby, and that we have more hoops to jump through. It sucks to be back at the start. I’m going to try to enjoy my “time off” with the breastfeeding/pregnancy no-nos that I’ve been avoiding for like 2 years. A little drinking, a lot of sushi (ok I haven’t been avoiding that one for 2 years but I have for the past few weeks!), etc.
The plan moving forward? I’m getting my hcg checked again in a week (honestly it feels like it’ll probably be “negative” for pregnancy in sooner than a week? But whatever). Once it’s negative (below 5 I think), they can submit to my insurance for the frozen embryo transfer (FET) cycle. They want to do another SHG to make sure my uterus still looks good and nothing sticks around from this pregnancy. That means a cycle “off” before trying again. I also have no idea when to expect my next period – what was the timeline for those of you who’ve gone through this? While it doesn’t make sense that I’d be having a period right now (2 days after a miscarriage), I did start bleeding in a period-like fashion last night. I do find it odd that the initial bleed from the miscarriage only lasted a couple of hours, but I suppose that my lining wasn’t as thick as it should be given that I essentially had a full heavy period before the miscarriage itself. This shit is weird and I hate not knowing what to expect.
In happier, non-TTC/miscarriage/IVF news, we are excited for what I think is our first holiday not spent with extended family tomorrow. We usually go to my MIL’s for Easter, but just decided not to this year. We’re not religious, though our families are (my parents are very catholic as is Em’s Mom, and her dad is Jewish), but are excited to celebrate Easter from a cultural and “making traditions” kind of place. We got Riley a cute little basket and non-edible surprises (eggs filled with finger puppets and tiny train cars and stickers), and are gearing up for an it’s-finally-warm-outside Easter egg hunt in the yard.
Speaking of Easter eggs – Riley’s daycare had a little egg hunt. It looked super cute, but this was my first hair pulling experience as a mom to a kid with severe food allergies. I can’t remember what I’ve said here but she’s in a new daycare as of last Monday, which has been SO awesome about her allergies (refresher: peanuts, tree nuts, sesame, gluten, dairy, egg). They are also already peanut, tree nut, and egg free, and all families provide their own food. Great. Perfect. Until Thursday. They had the egg hunt and encouraged families to bring in nut free candies to fill the eggs. We expressed concern that Riley would accidentally ingest or touch (even her milk allergy is contact, so she would likely get awful hives just from touching milk chocolate). They assured Em (who does drop off and pick up) that she would just be picking up the eggs and putting them in a basket and that none of the kids would be opening eggs or eating the treats at school. Okay. I still don’t love it because it’s putting allergens into her little hands, but I trust them and know that they’re super conscientious and on top of the allergies thing so I let it happen. And you know what? She was fine. This time. No accidents happened, and the staff was appropriately attentive and watchful. But accidents happen sooo easily. Next year I think it’ll be harder to keep her from eating things that are already literally in her hands, so I’ll do some education and push for non-edible treats for everyone. BUT this was the thing that really made me pull my hair out: they sent her home with a little Easter bag with a stuffed bunny and a plastic octopus and 6 eggs … all FILLED WITH CANDY SHE’S ALLERGIC TO. Like, how hard would it have been to set aside a few eggs with just stickers inside and stick those eggs in her bag? Also, what toddlers eat M&Ms and chocolate eggs? They hardly have sufficient teeth for those things! I can’t imagine any of her classmates were enjoying the treats. She couldn’t even play with the eggs. I mean, it was nice that I got to eat some chocolate but we had to throw out the eggs because they had chocolate all up in them, so it was just a waste for her. Sigh.
Happy Easter and a solemn and respectful Passover to all who celebrate/observe. And for those who don’t – happy spring. Here’s to new beginnings and edible-free celebrations.