CD1 (update: it’s actually CD2 … I started writing this yesterday and didn’t finish)
This post is going to be obsessive and silly and weird. Don’t say i didn’t warn you.
AF arrived today, right on schedule. <- That sentence has literally never ever been true in my life. By “right on schedule” I mean exactly 2 weeks after I am almost certain that I ovulated. Since this is my first natural cycle in a while, I don’t actually have a cycle length calculated but I can start counting now. My thoughts right now:
- I’ve been anxiously awaiting today since I ovulated 2 weeks ago and it has felt like forever. HOW THE HELL am I going to stay sane when I am waiting 2 weeks to find out if I’m pregnant?! The answer is that I am not. Sorry, dear.
- I’m actually super shocked I was able to predict AF’s visit. This must be what normal people feel like at like 20 when they figure out their timing.
- Why do I have to wait until April to go back to the RE? The Metformin is clearly working, let’s get this show on the road.
- How long is my follicular phase going to be this month? Since I have no real/normal comparison, I will have no idea when to start ovulation testing. I guess I’ll rely on CM and see how things go … About a year ago I was having semi-regular visits from AF – like, they were happening approximately once each calendar month, but I tried to count it out and literally no 2 cycles were the same length. God help me.
I think it’s no secret that I’m healthily baby obsessed. As each day passes I’m more ready to just be pregnant already. It has clearly become obsessive and silly and I am not even sorry. I contacted my RE to try to get the train moving and find out what I still need to do in order to be medically cleared to order sperm (I figure if we have sperm by the time I go to my follow-up appointment in early April, we can start trying maybe that cycle rather than having to wait another month). I just need to have a viral panel done before we have the go ahead. Apparently the results only “count” for a year, so they want me to wait until just before we are actually inseminating to do it so it doesn’t expire in case it takes me that long to get pregnant. So I guess I’ll just keep obsessively online donor-dating. If we find someone we can’t live without, I’ll just get the viral panel and order it already, or try to put it on hold or something.
I just wish there was something we could do to feel like we are moving forward with this! The waiting is killing me.
Also, I apparently haven’t had a period accompanied by normal hormone levels in a while because I’ve noticed 2 things about this month: a) DAMN this hurts, and b) I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I’ve snapped at my wife over I-don’t-even-know-what a whole bunch, and I keep crying. If I didn’t want a baby so badly, I’d be flushing this Metformin down the toilet and happily go back to catching up with Aunt Flo a only a handful of times a year.
On the up side of things, I have an amazing wife. She happily reads every donor profile I send her, (mostly) tolerates my mood swings, doesn’t get freaked out by my baby fever, and maybe best of all – got me beautiful pearl earrings for Valentine’s Day!
But really … why can’t Immaculate Conception just be a thing that happens to me now?!